We Adopt More Than Any Other Nation

We Adopt More Than Any Other Nation

by | Oct 24, 2025 | Adoptee Stories, Adoptive Parent, Birth Parent, Resources & Guides

I recently attended the CUB (Concerned United Birthparents) Annual Retreat, and it’s one of my favorite adoption events of the year. In my talk I shared some important data from my book, The Adoption Paradox and it’s one of the crucial pieces of data we compiled in researching the book.

What we wanted to understand is if the US does more infant adoptions than other countries by comparison. The answer is unquestionably YES, we do. The United States by far outpaces any other country in terms of the number of adoptions we do overall, and most definitely we do more infant adoption than any other nation on earth, based upon our comparisons.

First, a big shout out is needed to my research team! These ladies were amazing and were great at sleuthing out data on child welfare and adoption throughout the US and abroad. Thank you Sadie and Zhen!

The raw data we collected in compiling the table above can be found HERE. But there are some caveats and explanations needed in order to fully process this information, and it’s important to understand these details.

  1. First, we are using comparison data based on the number of births, by country, per year, of the countries we analyzed and could find data for.
  2. THIS IS IMPORTANT: this is an inherently flawed analysis when it comes to comparing adoptions within foster care or step-parent/family adoptions. The reason for that is that the majority of these types of adoptions are NOT involving infants. But infant adoptions are what we’re trying to evaluate and view in relation to what other countries rates of infant adoption are. So it’s still important to see these numbers and openly acknowledge that this is an imperfect comparison for these reasons.
  3. We still do more adoption.

Let’s dig in, and the way I’m going to do that is to share with you a video filmed from the panel at CUB where I explain these numbers to you. Check it out here:

It’s interesting to note the differences, and the data I think, leaves us needing to ask more questions. WHY do we adopt more than other nations? As I point out both in the above talk, and in the book, they do have other processes. Ones that are not related to a privatized system of adoption or if they are private, do not allow the creation of an online marketplace.

A for-profit and private adoption industry creates inherent friction points within any relinquishment. If a woman or couple is lacking resources and finally at the end of many months have now contacted an adoption agency, that agency is a business. Even if they are a non-profit one, their revenue streams are based on fees collected by facilitating adoptions.

One of the things my researchers and I looked at, but did not make it into the book, is we reviewed some of the information from The Donaldson Institute from a comprehensive study they did on relinquishment. A summary of that research can be found here. It is the only study we found that looks at the personnel working at these adoption agencies, and makes no distinction if the organization is for, or non-profit. 

What is says is that very little information about parenting options is shared with expectant parents prior to placement. We, Sadie and Zhen specifically, went to Indeed.com to look up the job listings of current adoption agencies. The jobs all clearly state several things. One, is that an adoption councilor will be working with both expectant and hopeful adoptive parents. Their job is to in fact, facilitate and create adoptions. The job is not titled, for example, “resources coordinator” or other such term. So what is created is that the worker at an agency is there for one purpose, which is to guide an expectant parent or couple towards placement simply because that is their job. 

This is the point of friction, and with 18,000+ of these situations occurring annually and virtually no follow up with any governmental body to see if agencies/attorneys and their personnel are following the state guidelines, what happens is that expectant parents lose all power in the situation. No one is actively in their corner looking out for their rights, and only their rights in the process.

Even if you pull the for-profit motive out of the story, the inherent process is that an agency or attorney who is in the business of fulfilling the desires of hopeful parents wanting an infant and are willing to pay an agency to do so, then that creates a very transactional nature. And I think sadly there is ample evidence that everyone is at risk of being manipulated. Hopeful parents take a massive financial gamble. Expectant parents, who we know from research, are largely placing due to a lack of resources whose legal rights are not always protected like they should be. And the infant adoptee, who’s benefit is supposedly the motivation for all of it, gets lost in the process.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on any of the above.

Preparing To Seach

Preparing To Seach

by | Dec 6, 2022 | Resources & Guides

(Shared with permission from Dr. Joe Soll, Psychotherapist, Author and founder of the Adoption Counseling Center in New York, NY)

If one wants to learn how to fly a plane, one takes flying lessons.  Ground school first, then flying with an instructor, then when one has enough knowledge to handle anything that happens, one can solo.

If one just hops in a plane, without doing the work, one is likely to crash and burn. One might do well, but the odds are against it. 

Preparation for reunion is like taking flying lessons.  Ground school involves reading adoption-related literature. Going to groups, counseling, chat rooms, and talking to other adoptees and moms is your flight time.

If you just jump in without the prep, you might do ok, but the odds are you will sabotage your reunion.

Reunions cannot and do not fix our pain.  Reunions always bring up the pain of our losses which is normal and necessary.  The better the reunion, the deeper the pain. The pain of our losses, the pain of what we missed.  

One must walk through this pain to heal. The rewards of doing this prep work are beyond compare.

From those who have prepared, I have never ever heard, “I wish I had not done this.”  From those who have not prepared, I often hear, “I wish I had gotten ready before I searched.”  From those who prepared, what I usually hear is, “Thank God I was ready!”  I pray you prepare!.

“The adult adoptee must walk through the fear which he/she experiences in a search. If he/she does not walk through it, he/she never overcomes it

Those who do not make contact themselves are never released from this fear.” – Jean Paton. The first adoptee to search, start a group, and write a book about it. The mother of the Adoption Search movement.

You know you are ready to search when:

You have read and understood “The Girls Who Went Away” by Ann Fessler.

You have talked to other moms and adoptees.

You have read and understood “Primal Wound” by Nancy Newton Verrier.

It’s not necessary, but it would help if you:

  • Have read, and understood “Adoption Healing… a path to recovery (for Adoptees)” and done all the exercises.
  • Have read, and understood “Adoption Healing… a path to recovery (for Adoptees)” and done all the exercises.
  • Have read, and understood “Adoption Healing… a path to recovery (for Moms)” and done all the exercises.
  • Have read, and understood “Adoption Healing… Supplement and done all the exercises.
  • Have read, and understood “Adoption Healing… Articles, etc.”  and done all the exercises.
  • Participate often in our nightly chat.


You are journaling and channeling your anger daily.
You are talking to your Inner Child daily.

You have done the lovability affirmations, and your inner child has told you that she/he is and always was lovable.

Your inner child has told you about her/his rage at mommy for not being kept.
You have convinced your inner child that Mommy had no choice, that it was not her fault and that it’s not fair to be angry at her.

You and your inner child know you cannot get rejected when you make contact.

You are in the process of grieving the loss of your mom and the relationship you might have had with her as much as possible.

You understand that you have an obligation to continue a relationship with your mom if she wishes to do so. 

You have read and understood the Reunion Guidelines
You have read and understood the Language of Adoption

You have written down all the possibilities that you may find and know that no matter what you find, you will be ok.

You have let yourself experience the feelings that would  exist for each  possibility above

You have read about genetic attraction and know to be on guard for those feelings so as to not get into a bad situation.

You know that reunions do not fix anything.