A must-have staple for all in the adoption constellation and beyond! Widner’s book is a wonderfully accessible introduction to the historical and biographical story of adoption and the characters therein. She tells adoption’s story in a way that activates readers to critically examine the state of adoption as it has been and as it is. Compassionately told with snippets of constellation members’ stories intertwined, The Adoption Paradox humanizes the whole experience in a way that hasn’t been done in full since Betty Jean Lifton.
~ Shannon Quist, author of Rose’s Locket and Mirrors Made of Ink
In ‘The Adoption Paradox,’ Jean Widner leaves no stone unturned as she reveals the raw, complex reality of adoption. With chapter titles including “The FOG,” “The Cloak of Grief and Shame,” and “Outdated Advice,” Widner presents a comprehensive exploration of adoption and relinquishment. Well-researched and written, this book joins The Primal Wound and Coming Home to Self as mandatory reading for those looking for a deep dive into the complex impact of adoption on those in its wake. Weaving together historical research, her own adoptee narrative, and voices from across the adoption constellation, Jean Widner delivers both a personal and academic look at the many subtle and not-so-subtle themes specific to our community’s special brand of loss. Widner’s courage in tackling these difficult conversations, combined with deep empathy for all impacted by adoption, earns her book a highly regarded place on today’s adoption bookshelves and makes “The Adoption Paradox” an invaluable contribution to the discourse on adoption reform.
~ Patricia Knight Meyer, Black Market Baby and Adoption Reform Advocate and Author @myadoptedlife
As an adoptive parent, I am grateful for the unique niche that Jean Widner’s book inhabits. It’s a well-researched, footnoted, comprehensive look at all aspects of adoption’s many complexities. Adoptive parents like me can dive into Part IV, which eloquently defines the struggles that we face within our families. And the other sections of the book that cover Adoptees and Birth Parents enlighten and inspire us adoptive parents to become more curious and open about other perspectives from across the adoption constellation. Throughout the book, Widner provides a diverse multitude of adult adoptee voices who share their lived experiences, providing an adoptee-centered roadmap for adoptive parents to follow. Widner pulls no punches, embracing the both-and nature of adoption’s paradoxes. I recommend this book to any adoptive parent who wants to improve their parenting and their advocacy for adopted people.
~ Beth Syverson, Adoptive Parent Co-Founder of Unraveling Adoption
This Powerful Book Will Change Lives: Having read countless adoption books by adoptees, by adoptive parents, and by birth mothers, I began reading Jean Widner’s The Adoption Paradox never dreaming how it would affect me. Not only was I immediately captivated by Widner’s excellent writing skills, but I was enthralled by her obvious commitment to educate and open readers’ eyes about the history and complicated story of adoption and its aftermath. This powerful and important book is filled with reliable facts regarding all types of adoption and softened, yet made more intense, by heartfelt interviews with adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents throughout the book. At times I was stunned and at times I read with tears in my eyes and a heaviness in my heart. Widner’s research is unquestionably admirable and all-inclusive, and her voice is undeniably the one that needs to be heard not only by members of the adoption triad, but by all professionals in the field of adoption, and the public who have bought into the old and tired “all adoption is beautiful” theory.
~ Laura L. Engel, Birth Mother and Author of You’ll Forget This Ever Happened-secrets, shame, and adoption in the 1960s.
Jean Widner does a wonderful job of exploring the multiple perspectives and complexities of adoption. She digs deep into the lives of many types of adoptees who hold the paradox of being loved by one family and yet holding grief and relinquishment trauma from another.
~Sharon Stein McNamara Ed.D., L.P.
As an adoption and trauma therapist, I consider The Adoption Paradox one of the most essential and unflinching explorations of adoption’s lifelong impact. Unlike sanitized narratives that focus solely on gratitude and belonging, this book gives voice to the full adoptee experience-grief, loss, love, identity, and resilience. It also sheds light on the lifelong trauma, disenfranchised grief, and mental health struggles birth parents endure.
While at times heavy, the book is deeply validating. It encourages adoptive parents to approach their journey with awareness, humility, and a commitment to growth. Most importantly, it centers adoptees’ well-being-an often-overlooked perspective in adoption literature.
Balancing research with personal narratives The Adoption Paradox offers a multifaceted view of adoption’s complexities. Real stories from adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive families bring depth and authenticity, while expert insights provide critical guidance. Too often, archaic beliefs and inadequate training leave those impacted by adoption without the support they need. This book offers critical insights that should be considered essential reading for all.
This book challenges outdated assumptions, exposes systemic failures, and offers valuable support for all involved in adoption. By amplifying adoptee voices and addressing difficult truths, The Adoption Paradox is a groundbreaking contribution to adoption discourse-one that demands to be read.
~Jennifer Joy Phoenix, LSWAIC, MHP
The Adoption Paradox boldly illuminates the complexities and contradictions that co-exist in adoption. Widner brings to light the often ignored, challenging and at times devastating underbelly of US adoption with elegance, precision and care. Her insightful, nuanced, synthesized narrative is ingeniously punctuated by breathtaking first-hand lived experience testimony of constellation members: adopted people, birth/first parents and adoptive parents. Thorough, full of journalistic integrity, and great detail, The Adoption Paradox possesses a powerful beating heart. It is a labor of love that treats adoptive parents to empathy and empowerment, and extends an important invitation for collaboration and allyship, paving the way for creating both personal and systemic change.
– Suzanne Bachner, Author & Advocate, The Good Adoptee
The Adoption Paradox is a meticulously researched exploration of adoption that examines the subject from every angle. The book stands out for its balanced treatment of the topic, drawing on in-depth interviews with birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive families. This diverse array of voices enriches the narrative, presenting both the promise of new beginnings and the lingering challenges of identity and loss.
A Multifaceted Exploration: The author expertly navigates the evolution of adoption practices over the years, linking historical developments with the personal stories of those involved. Through careful analysis and engaging storytelling, the book reveals how changing societal attitudes and legal frameworks have continually reshaped the adoption landscape. Each chapter not only documents these shifts but also delves into the emotional intricacies that define the adoption experience.
A Balanced and Thoughtful Narrative: What makes The Adoption Paradox truly compelling is its commitment to presenting all sides of the story. By incorporating firsthand accounts from individuals at different points in the adoption process, the book invites readers to reconsider traditional narratives around family formation and belonging. It challenges preconceived notions and opens up a space for deeper reflection on the complex nature of identity and connection.
Conclusion: In sum, The Adoption Paradox is a significant contribution to the literature on adoption. Its blend of rigorous research and heartfelt interviews makes it an essential read for anyone seeking to understand the multifaceted world of adoption. Whether you are a researcher, practitioner, or simply curious about the intricate dynamics of modern family life, this book provides valuable insights into the enduring paradox of hope and loss in the journey to find home.
~Monica Hall, Adoptee, Birthmother, and Author of Practically Still a Virgin
Jean Widner makes a complex topic accessible to those inside and outside the world of adoption. She tackles core subjects including communication, culture, coercion, citizenship, color, and case law in a concise, yet comprehensive manner.
~ Richard Uhrlaub, President, Coalition for Truth and Transparency in Adoption. Creator of the new musical For the Record(s)
Jean contacted me about her book quite a while ago. And reading it I can see why. This is a thorough and well thought out piece of work encompassing everything from the history of adoption to emotional issues. She’s had input from adoptees, birth mothers and adoptive parents. Insightful, profound and full of nuggets of information. Highly recommended.
~ Simon Benn, Thriving Adoptees Podcast, UK
My introduction to Jean Widner was through this book, back when she was still collecting interviews and data. A minute into our conversation, I knew I was in good hands. In reading “The Adoption Paradox,” rest assured that you are, too. Jean has left no stone unturned. She includes both historical and current data, as well as a myriad of first-person accounts. Everyone speaks from their own experience- whether that experience was good, bad, or often both. Jean fosters greater understanding and empathy by immersing the reader in multiple individual narratives. She also shines a light on a system that simultaneously builds one family while tearing apart another, erases history, and impacts future generations. She acknowledges its positive advances but doesn’t shy away from the need for further reform. With a critical eye on the system and a kind eye on the real people involved, Jean brings adoption into perspective. As an adopted person, I so wish this book had existed in my youth. Not just for me, but also for my adoptive and natural parents, for my adopted siblings, and for all the other constellation members of my generation. Thank you, Jean, for this gift to our community. There are hard truths in these pages, but there’s also hope, and so much heart.
~ Hannah Andrews, writer, author, adoptee
The Adoption Paradox captures the complexities of adoption as a lifelong journey-one marked by evolving questions of identity, belonging, and family connection. With honesty, depth, and empathy, Jean sheds light on the modern realities of adoption, bridging the gap between past practices and the urgent need for real-time understanding.
As someone who has navigated my own adoption experience and dedicated my life to advancing awareness in adoption, foster care, and multiracial family dynamics, I deeply appreciate what Jean has written and curated. Her work keeps the conversation around adoption relevant and progressive, empowering readers to embrace its multifaceted truths. This book is a must-read as we work together to build a more inclusive and compassionate world.
~ April Dinwoodie, Host of the Born in June, Raised in April: What Adoption Can Teach the World Podcast and Founder of Adoptment
Adoption is a subject that stirs deeply complicated emotions, thoughts, and opinions-both on a personal level and as a broader societal practice. Life has taught me that two opposing truths can coexist, and that real understanding lies in exploring the gray between the black and white. Jean Widner’s Adoption Paradox does exactly this. Through a comprehensive exploration of adoption’s many layers, this book goes beyond personal bias to examine the history, business, and psychology of adoption, as well as the lived experiences of those directly impacted-all supported by rigorous research, compelling statistics, and heartfelt personal accounts. Adoption Paradox is an essential starting point for anyone seeking to honestly grasp the emotional complexities and diverse truths of adoption. By embracing the nuances, we can work toward a more knowledgeable, compassionate, ethical, and healthy world when it comes to adoption.
~ Brian Stanton, Adoptee, Actor and Playwright of BLANK and Screenwriter of the film @ghostkingdom
The Adoption Paradox is a compelling and thought-provoking work that doesn’t cater to those who champion adoption. Instead, it offers an honest, gripping exploration of how adoption has unfolded over time and continues to shape the lives of everyone it touches. With deep empathy and compassion, Widner crafts a narrative that not only tells the story of adoption but also reflects a larger piece of American history, all while maintaining a candid, unflinching perspective. Through examining the ways societal views of family have influenced adoption, Widner helps readers grasp the complexity of the experience and the necessary changes needed to better honor the lives of those on this lifelong journey.
~ Tony Hynes, Adoptee, Author of “The Son with Two Moms,” Ph.D.
